Anxiety. It’s real and it hurts.

There have been major changes in my life in the last month, I’ve left my marriage, I’ve sold my family home, divided our possessions and taken my 3 children to a new house to start a new life. On the whole, I’m doing well. I see small steps of progress in how I’m feeling, I catch myself smiling or even laughing occasionally. I am not spending all night awake, sobbing uncontrollably, then hiding my eyes away the next day because they are puffy and sore. I’m doing ok.

Or so I think. Anxiety. It catches me unawares. I think I’m in control, then the smallest thing can set me off. It may be a drive down a road near to my beloved family home, a song on Alexa, a photo on my time hop. And that is it. I’m off, the emotions are unchecked, I’m irrational, angry, stressed, you name it, I experience it.

I’m doing my absolute best to cope. I didn’t want to stay married, I was so unhappy and trapped that it was making my health suffer. I’ve made the best decision to leave but coping with the fallout of the hurt is hard. I was warned about the loneliness but to actually experience it first hand is another level. I just didn’t expect to feel so alone, I wanted out, and the feeling of loneliness has hit me hard.

I’m doing the best I can, my big girl pants are on. I have good friends around me, I have my amazing family and my fab children. To do this without a supportive network is unimaginable, I am one of the lucky ones, I have the chance to live my life how I choose. I need to allow myself to have these feelings but not let them destroy my day, night, weekend, week. I have to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Ultimately, this will make me a better person.

H xx

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