Life keeps throwing me these curve balls.

It’s been a funny old week. I’m mega emotional, I can’t stop the tears again. I think I cried consistently yesterday for many hours over actually nothing. My ex is being an idiot. He only sees our children for a very short time each week (his choice) and last night he gave them hell over him being lonely in the middle of the pub. They came back saying what an awful time they’d had. It breaks my heart that my precious children do not have the relationship with their father that they deserve. It is always about him, how he is feeling, how busy he is, what is happening to him and nothing is ever his fault. I keep pointing put that he is an adult and yes, they are teenagers but they are still children and he needs to grow up and act like an adult. I won’t hold my breath.

Before I’m allowed back to work (just over a week: anxiety is through the roof) my doctor ran a series of blood tests. To my absolute horror, I’ve been diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I just don’t get it. The standard letter which came has really messed with my mental well being. I’m struggling with an eating disorder. I can literally starve myself for many hours because I’m terrified that I’m going to get fat again. When I do eat, my potions are small, I never finish anything. I walk my dogs twice a day and I’m back at the gym. I’m hating the gym, I’ll explain about that another day, but I’m back doing my thing.

So, the letter pops through my door to tell me that I’ve tested for pre-diabetes and my chance of getting type 2 diabetes is high, but hold on, good news! I can easily reverse the pre-diabetes by increasing my exercise levels and losing some weight.

HOLD ON

I’m struggling with an eating disorder, given the choice, I won’t eat. That suits me just fine and now the medical professionals have given me green light to lose weight. Hurray!!!!! Does anyone actually check a person’s health records before sending out a standard letter. Where would they like me to lose weight from? And how do I increase my exercise? I walk between 7 and 10 miles a day and I train in the gym 4-5 times a week. I am no where near as fit as I used to be, but I know that my fitness is still above that of the average female, and way above females of my age bracket. I actually give up. The state of my head is horrendous. I’ve spent the last 48 hours googling diabetes which hasn’t helped.

I need some serious help

H xx

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